T’was a few days before Christmas and I was sittin’ in my trailer
I was eatin’ some cheese dip. It was the white kind, not yeller

I had just returned back home from a trip to the store
I ran out of corn chips and beer, and I needed some more

Scooter, my coondog, was curled up an snoozin’
He snores like my granny does when she does too much boozin’

Me in my gym shorts and stained wife-beater
Had just sat down to watch an episode of Cheaters

When outside the trailer, there was some terrible fuss
I jumped out of the recliner to see what it was

And what do you think it was I would see?
Why it was old Luke Fenwick running from some deputies

Luke was really haulin’ it, he always was a good streaker
I mean he wern’t wearnin’ nothing but a smile and his sneakers

And I was thinkin’, ‘He shouldn’t be doing this, Luke is too old’
Besides he was nekkid…and you could tell it was cold.

He was lively and quick, a really jolly old drunk
Till he slipped over a ice patch and fell down – ‘kerplunk!’

The deputies was all over him just like that
Like a pack of dogs on a three-legged cat

You might think it was the end of Luke’s game
But he got all P-O’d and called the deputies names

“Hey bonehead! Hey loser! Yer all dumb as a log!”
I could tell you more of what he said, but this is a family blog

The lawmen there made sure Luke was cuffed
Then they took him to the car, in the backseat he was stuffed

As they drove off with Luke, I could just hear him say:
“I’ll be back! Nekkid again on New Year’s Day!”