So this chick named Wendy starts sending me e-mails every few days.  At first, I though she was a stalker, and after Louise Carpwaller a man can’t be too careful.  But, it was a woman offering me a job!  All her e-mails had these job schedules attached to them.

Now my nephew Eugene tried to tell me that it was a mistake and that she just put my email address in for some guy name Eric Jenkins and it was all a big snafu.  Plus, he said it was from Australia, and that it didn’t make no sense that she would be trying to recruit me.

After putting Eugene into a Figure Four wrasslin’ hold, I calmly explained that I am a highly sought after Internet celebrity and that she is a woman. And women always find me irresistible.

This is the e-mail I sent back to her:

Dear Wendy,

Hi. My name is Elwood Peterbilt Jenkins from Perry County in Arkansas.

I notice you keep sending me these work schedules attached to emails.  I thought, “Hey, make a little money on the side!”  See my 1981 AMC Pacer that I call the Love Turtle, needs new shocks, a pair of those fuzzy dice you hang from the rear-view mirror and some naked girl chrome thingys to put on the rear mudflaps. So, I was pleased as punch to see you were just gonna give me a job.  I am not surprised, I am a stunningly handsome man who owns his own mobile home and writes his own blog at elwoodjenkins.com.  The attraction is easy to see.

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Then, I saw that you folks are in Australia.  I am sorry Wendy that that commute is just too much for me.  I wouldn’t make it back in time to watch wrasslin’ on TV and college football season fires up this weekend.

Thank the rest of Australia for Nichole Kidman, Isla Fisher and Hugh Jackman when he plays Wolverine.  And for Mel Gipson before he went nuts and most of AC/DC.

I’m still pissed about The Wiggles.  They creep me out.

Thanks for the job offer!

Your Friend,

Elwood P. Jenkins

P.S. -Read my blog and tell all your friends down there about it at elwoodjenkins.com. I am on Facebook and Twitter too.

P.S.S – Do y’all have a problem with kangaroos jumpin’ out in front of your vehicles like we have with whitetail deer?

P.S.S.S – Are kangaroos good eatin’? Whitetail deer are.