Why Dogs Are Better Than Cats

evil catsWarning. This here blog will have opinions that could split friends and families.  And if you disagree with me, I really don’t give a fat baby’s elbow. But, you have every right to your own opinion. No matter how misguided and wrong you may be.

We got this lady in the trailer park named Mrs. Noodleman. She is better known as the “Crazy Cat Lady” and she always smells like old litterbox and catfood. Her husband left a long time ago. Probably got tired of cat poop in his loafers.

This woman has got no less than about 15  22 stinkin’, bawlin’, poop in the neighbor’s flower beds and walk on my freshly waxed car, cats.

Let me go ahead and state that I don’t particularly have anything against cats. But, in my opinion if a cat ain’t catchin’ mice or rats, there ain’t no reason to have one.

All Crazy Cat Lady’s cats do is make lots of noises when I am trying to sleep and make new cats to make more noise.  Did I mention she don’t get any of them fixed?  And once you go beyond 3 cats, you should be considered a rancher.

I am a dog type of person.  That is why my coon dog Scooter is my bestest friend.

I realize that many of you folks have cats, and that’s fine. Good for you.  But they are plotting your death. You need to know that.

“But, Mr. Mephistopheles loves me”  No. He don’t. You’re his food source and mobile back scratcher. He tolerates you while plotting. Always plotting.

Here are my 11 reasons that Dogs beat the heck out of cats:

  1. Ever see a movie or a television show about a brave cat saving a boy in a well? I think not.
  2. Dogs look much better at the end of a leash.  Here is a perfect reason to NEVER put a cat on a leash: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ubQxtEukvw
  3. Dogs will let you give them a bath without taking out a contract on your life.
  4. Dogs will bark to wake you up if the trailer is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door and giggle while they do it.
  5. You can train a dog to fetch you a beer. Cats might bring you a dead mouse and then they will leave it in your shoe.
  6. Dogs scratch themselves…cats scratch other people.
  7. Dogs will sit on the car seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private box. Most cats in a moving vehicle are like furry, clawed, tornadoes.
  8. Dogs will greet you & lick your face when you come home from work. Cats leave you a hairball behind the couch.
  9. If Dogs don’t like you, they let you know early on…cats wait till your within striking distance.
  10. Dogs will tilt their heads and listen whenever you talk. Cats will yawn and close their eyes.
  11. Dogs will give you unconditional love forever. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you’ve ever made since the day you were born.

And if any of you cat people are really PO’d at me, just take minute and realize that deep down…. I really don’t care.

Send marriage proposals and redneck pictures to epjenkins@gmail.com. But any ticked off cat folks out there can send your emails with death threats and insults to josh.duggar@ohcrapireallyscrewed.up

Oh and howdy to Jenna who sent an email said she likes to read this blog each week at work and share with friends.  Hope your boss don’t catch you.

Later folks