Ok. I know it has been a while since I last posted, but I have a lot of stuff happening in my life right now. My third ex-wife Louvella started sniffing around again, and my nights have been busy. Ok?
Now on to my Epcot story.
Lute Fenwick has a problem with public nudity.
Actually, that ain’t quite true. Lute ain’t got a problem at all with nekkedness. The public in general, however, has a problem with Lute’s nekkedness. Lute gets nekked when he hits a particular level of drunk. It’s an issue at Christmas time, which is why the Fenwick Family get-togethers are usually a dry event. Fourth of July before last, Lute got cuffed and stuffed because during the party we had at the trailer park he stripped down to his Tony Llamas and did the Boot Scoot Boogie to God Bless America right before the fireworks show.
This is information you need to file away as the story continues.
Epcot is the best dang park in the world. First thing you notice is the big dang golf ball. Go past all the rides and crap, because you can do some serious drinking in Epcot.
I warned Lute before we even started that if he even unbuttoned a shirt button, I would hit him so hard his momma would feel it.. Lute said ok.
So me, Lute and my nephew Eugene started drinking in Mexico and kept moving on through the world. Things were going ok until we hit Germany.
But I took my eye off the ball. Actually, that ain’t accurate. I was staring at the big golf ball after I had 3 or 7 grapefruit beers and wondered how big a putter you would need to hit that sucker. All the sudden, people started raising a commotion. It was then I saw a trail of clothes, starting with a “These Colors Don’t Run” shirt and ending with a pair of underdrawers that really were just gross.
By the time I found Lute posing in a fountain in Italy, he was trying to sing The Barber Of Seville and had gathered a crowd. Mommas were trying to shield their children’s eyes, and three crazy women were trying to get in the fountain with Lute.
Lute spied me, and took off running. He stopped in Paris long enough to pose with a mime. I am not the most educated man, but is a mime supposed to say “Holy Shemp!”? (Edited for children and church folks)
Lute then kept running yelling “Tally Ho!” Through England until he hung a left at Canada. It was there he ran into Disney Security. Then Lute got hit full in the face with a dose of pepper spray. Not by the Disney Security folks, but by a pissed off momma from New Jersey who was going to have to explain some things to her kids.
We got asked to leave, but we had blown through my nephew Eugene’s money. And to be honest, the Canadians there were very polite about it.