This trip report is true, 100% sort of almost. Some details might have been changed to protect us from getting sued or to make me look awesome.

Me, Lute Fenwick, and my nephew Eugene Titweller decided that we would go to Disney World after Eugene got his tax check in the mail. He wanted to spend it on a new big screen HD TV, but after calmly and rationally putting him in a headlock, I convinced him and he decided to take us all to Disney World in Orlando.  We had already been to Magic Springs and Silver Dollar City before and wanted to see what all the fuss was about with this Disney World stuff.

My sweet ride. I call it the “Love Turtle” ladies.

So we loaded up my cherry red 1981 AMC Pacer and hit the road.  We left Perry County at about 9 in the morning. By the time we hit Conway, Eugene was already fussing about wanting to pull over and use the bathroom.  I told him we brought that empty milk jug for a reason and to be extra careful of the new seat covers I got from Dollar General Store.

We made good time on I-40 until we hit road construction just outside Memphis. Lute, who was bored and already drunker than 10 (***censored by the high sheriffs – I ain’t supposed to refer to “indigenous populations” in that way***) decided to moon the road crew and almost got us all beat up.We talked our way out of it by giving them a few of Lute’s beers out of the cooler and they were cool after that.

These are deadly man.

We stopped in Olive Branch, Mississippi to gas up and get some pork rinds, burrito and picked eggs. From there, we made pretty good time through Mississippi and Alabama until we got to my cousin Nadine’s house in Eufaula, Alabama. She put us up in a pretty nice pop-up camper in the back yard, but Eugine was killing us because he picked up six of those heat-lamp burritos back in Olive Branch. He kept trying to blame it on Lute. So they got into a fight and I had to tell them I would load them up and take them back to Perry County if they didn’t knock it off right dang now! Since Eugene wants to have his picture made with that chick from Beauty and the Beast and the monkey guy from the Lion King, he backed off real quick.

That is day one down.  When I post about day 2, I’ll tell you some tips on getting out of paying on toll roads.