Emails to Elwood: September 25, 2015

I got some e-mails at and from the form thingy you can send stuff to me here on the site.

You folks just come right out and ask some wild stuff, man! That’s ok! Bring in on!

Hey Elwood,
Why do you live in a trailer park?

Wichita Falls, Texas

MB in Texas,  I live in a trailer park because it is where my trailer is, and a tornado ain’t hit here yet.  Don’t take a rocket surgeon to figure that one out.

Elwood P,
Have you found your soulmate yet?  Has anyone yet measured up to the greatness that is Elwood P. Jenkins?  Will you marry me?  Will you rub my feet?


Lisa P.
Lake Charles, LA

No. No. Maybe. Heck no.

Mr. Jenkins,
My husband thinks you are an ignoramus, but I think you are hilarious! Did you even graduate high school? Are you even for real?

Anne S.
Little Rock, AR

Dear Anne with the terrible husband and a bunch of questions,
Thank you. You tell your slope-headed husband I am a Babdist.  They kicked me out when I got to be the same age as some of the teachers. Of course I am for real, I typed this didn’t I?

Dear Elwood,
We read your posts in our office and it makes our day. We love you! Do you ever do standup?

Tracee, Linda, and Heather
Fayetteville, AR

Dear two chicks with normal names and one with a stripper name,
Thanks. Are you strippers? Asking for a friend. And be sure you tell your boss to not blame me when he catches you goofing off on the job.  I do stand up for one and not for two.



And one that got messaged to me on the Twitters:

You’re a $%^&& *(@@#$ chauvinist $%^&&*

So, you don’t wanna go out? Because, I am sensing a vibe….