Out here close to and around the trailer park, we got lots of churches you can go to.
You got your Pentecostals, Assembly of God (Pentecostals that let their women doll-up), Church of Christ, a few Methodists to keep ’em honest, and one or two Catholic churches.
We also have a boat-load of Babdist churches. Now, this is confusing because Babdists spell their name just like the Baptists do. Kinda like how we say Arkansas like we do instead of how the heathens in Kansas say it.
(Ok, just a little note for you Kansas people. You can say Arkansas anyway you want in your state, but saying ‘AR-Kansas’ here is grounds for you to get the bejabbers beat right out of you. I ain’t trying to threaten, I am trying to help.)
Ok, back to spiritual matters.
Like I was saying, Babdists spell their name B-A-P-T-I-S-T, and Baptists spell their name B-A-P-T-I-S-T.
Theologically, both Babdists and Baptists agree on on the big stuff. They both dunk instead of sprinkle and they both have a piano. It’s like state law that Babdist and Baptist both have to have a piano. Rich Babdists and all Baptist places have pianos AND an organ. (I have suspected for a while now that Church of Christ folks started out as really poor, hardshell Freewill Babdists who couldn’t afford a piano)
Here is a list of some of the differences between Babdists and Baptists:
Baptists have full time pastors that are at the church all week long. They also have full time song leaders and full time youth pastors.
Babdists have a preacher that works during the week at a full time job and preaches on Wednesdays and Sundays. The song leader is the best singer in the church who also has a wife that can play piano. The kids sit in the main service with their parents.
Baptist youth leaders spend the whole year planning weekly events and activities for the youth in the church. They have activities in the family life center.
Babdist churches send their kids off to church camp once a year and play games in the church parking lot.
Babdists have two official alter call songs. They are “Just As I Am” and “I Surrender All” and they sing one of those songs each week. No exceptions.
Baptists might go a half year without doing those songs. Skipping doing those songs for a month in a Babdist church will get the song leader fired at the next Wednesday night business meeting.
Babdists don’t sing anything that ain’t in the hymnal. The youth sing contemporary stuff on Wednesday nights.
Baptists have a full time minister of music who will lead the congregation in some choruses.
Babdists still have the potluck every month. The best food ever is at a Babdist potluck. Once again, I bet state law dictates that fried chicken will be served at a Babdist potluck.
Baptists don’t do potlucks much anymore.
Both Baptists and Babdists do not ever wave to each other in the liquor store.
For the most part, Baptist churches are in the city and Babdist churches are in the country but you can’t tell for sure until you go inside. If most people are showing up in pick-up trucks you are most likely among Babdists. If you see a bunch of SUV’s and minivans in the parking lot, you are probably among Baptists.
Of course the easiest way tell is to ask the people coming out the door which they are. They’ll tell you.