Golfing with your wife, and other hazards.

Me, Bobby Martinez, and Lute Fenwick were all sitting in Bubba’s the other night arguing about who would win in a race: The Flash or Speedy Gonzales.

I say The Flash would win because he has a longer stride. I mean, it’s just common sense.

Then the topic turned to more pressing matters.  It was time to see if we were gonna be in the local charity golf tournament again.

The tournament is gonna be at Bert’s Golf Course and Salvage Yard out on County Road 46.

Bert has the only full size golf course/salvage yard in the whole USA.  You can shoot 18 holes and get a transmission for a ’75 Pontiac Gran Prix all at the same place.

My favorite hole at Bert’s Golf Course and Salvage Yard is number 4. It is a par 5 that has a water hazard/stock/catfish pond to clear then dog-legs to the right. Once you get around the dog-leg, you have to shoot it over a big pile of Jeep parts to get to the green. Let’s see Tiger Woods get par on that one.

Plus, Bert keeps a herd of Angus cattle out on the course, so there are other hazards as well. Don’t wear any fancy golf shoes on Bert’s course.

Anyhow, the tournament is the annual Scramble For Unwed Mothers.  We have a tee shirt made up for the event.  It says:

“2015 Scramble For Unwed Mothers: Let’s All Help The Moms & The Little ***Word Censored By The High-Sheriff’s Of Content***”.

Lute came up with this years slogan. I tell you man, it will bring a tear to your eye.

Anyhow, while we were talking about the golf tournament, Bobby started shaking and crying.

Man, we had forgot about Bobby’s nightmare experience while golfing with his wife a few years ago.  It was so terrible, that Bobby can’t even look at a golf ball without going into the fetal position and wetting his pants half the time.  It is a dang shame too, because Bobby was one heck of a golfer back in the day.

Heck, the incident put Bobby in the hospital for a week.  He came in all beat up with a concussion, all bruised up, and a 5-iron wrapped around his neck.

What happened was, Bobby took his wife Roweena out to golf at Bert’s.

Roweena had never been golfing before, so Bobby was teaching her all about the game.  He even put Roweena’s initials on her golf ball.

This is how Bobby told it to us later:

“Well, I was having a round of golf with my wife over at Bert’s, when at that real hard number 4 hole, we both sliced our balls into a herd of Angus cattle.

We went to look for them golf balls and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the cows had something white stuck in its rear-end.”

“I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s initials on it stuck right in the cow’s backside.”

“I was still holding the cow’s tail up when I yelled to Roweena, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!'”

“I don’t remember much after that…”


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